Sunday, October 28, 2012

All The judging....Stop it!

This is a topic that has been weighing on my mind a lot lately and today I had an eye opening moment and I figured it was time to share with you my thoughts on the subject of judging others. 

We recently moved to a new state and through the process of moving I made myself a promise,  I promised myself that I would be myself. I know it sounds like kind of funny thing to promise yourself, but I have realized over the years that I have tried to put on a "face" of put together. I realized when I was 24 and my husband was in Iraq with the military leaving me home alone with 2 children for 8 months, that I could not continue to act like I had it all together, because I didn't. I realized that it really does take a village to raise a child. I realized that no one should have to do it alone. 

Mosiah 18:21 says:  And he commanded them that there should be no acontention one with another, but that they should look forward with bone eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts cknit together in unity and in love one towards another.

We are taught in the scriptures that we should be knit together and that we should look forward with one eye. We are all in this together and when we put on a face of togetherness especially when we are falling apart we are not knitting together. As a single mom with 2 small kids and a kidney disease I learned very quickly that I could not do it alone. I had partial kidney failure due to an over enlarged kidney stone that the doctors failed to catch when I went to the ER one morning. I woke up in the middle of the night bleeding heavily and in intense pain and so I called 911 and spent the next 2 weeks in the hospital and even after that I was on doctor ordered bed rest for almost 7 weeks after that. Noah was not able to come home from his deployment and I was left to do it alone (which was impossible) or ask for help.

I asked for help and the outpouring of love was indescribable. I don't think that my children and I could have survived those 10 weeks if it had not been for the amazing women around me. I had never been so helpless in my life and had never been more discouraged. I learned in that time that we are sent here to work together and to be united, so why is it that we fight that so much?

Why is it that instead of working together to lift each other up that we often push each other down instead?

Why do we hide our pains and our struggles?

Why do we judge others when we KNOW that everyone is going through hard things?

When my son was diagnosed with Autism we were told by family members that we should keep it a secret and not tell people. I was outraged by this. Why do we have to keep things a secret? Why can't we all share our trials and help each other? I have learned that usually when I am going through a trial that someone around me probably has too and can really help me through it. I have also learned that there are others around me who are suffering from the same trials I have once suffered through. I often wonder how many counselors and therapists would still have jobs if we all felt open enough to talk to our friends about our problems. I'm not down playing what counselors do but I think that some people often go to them to talk about problems that might not be there if they felt that they could openly talk to others around them and admit their flaws, weakness, struggles and pain. We can all help each other. If we could just stop trying to hide it all we might realize that we are not alone in anything we go through. 

So now to the point, why do we do this? Why do we keep it all inside? Why do we never let on that we are anything less then perfect? 

Its simply because we are afraid of the judgement's of others.

Today (Oct. 2nd) I took my kids to Antelope Island and we played in the sand and in the water. Needless to say, Tayton, the two year old, got soaking wet and covered in sand. I was not prepared for this. We originally were just going to walk around the beach but decided to play in the water too. I had to strip all of Tayton's clothes off of him as well as his sand covered shoes. On our way home we decided to go out to lunch. We got out of the car and went inside the fast food restaurant. Yep I took my 2 year old into the restaurant in just his diaper. I was shocked at how many dirty looks I got and how rude several people were to me. I'm a good mom. I took my kids to play at the beach and now I'm taking them to get happy meals. My son got wet and covered in sand and so instead of making him keep it on him I let him run around in just a diaper. None of those people knew my story. I would have much rather taken my son in his diaper to get a happy meal then gone home and fed him something less fun just because people were giving me dirty looks. Why do we judge each other so much? 

Judging other people and keeping our problems hidden inside is not good for anyone.

When I got home from the restaurant I shook off the clothes and laid them on the porch because I was in a hurry to get the little two down for a nap. As soon as I did this I have a thought flicker into my mind, "What if someone comes over to visit and they see those sand covered clothes sitting on my porch?" The thought left as soon as it entered and I chuckled to myself, "really?" I thought, "who cares? If they do care then does it really even matter anyway?"  This is when the promise I made to myself came into my mind again. Leaving those clothes on the porch till I have time to take care of them is me being myself. Taking the clothes in and cleaning them up when I didn't really have time just because I was worried about the judgement of others was not me being myself. 

Imagine if we just all stopped judging, because really, we all have problems and trials and judging each other because of those things does not do anyone any good. The judgments hurt, they don't help. If you judge others especially when you don't know whats going on with them you can hurt them even worse and make their pain even more unbearable.  Its sad that we hide who we really are and are afraid to just be ourselves because we are afraid people won't like us or will judge us because of this. God made us all different. God celebrates those difference and so should we. We should celebrate it and support each other, not judge each other. Judgments ruin friendships and relationships. Judgments place unneeded burdens on others and destroys people spirits. Judgments make us hide our true selves and make us rethink things like leaving our child sand ridden clothes on the porch. Judgments make us feel weak, they give a bar for us to measure ourselves against and sadly in the end we will never measure up to that bar because the bar of perfection is just unattainable for anyone in this life. But unfortunately we still hold up and raise that bar to measure others knowing full well that they won't measure up and pretending that we do. How does this help any of us?

What if we all wore signs? These signs would tell the world what we are going through! Would you still judge them then? If you knew all the pain they felt would you jump to rash judgments? Probably not! But the better question is, why does it matter if you know their pain or not? We should not judge, no matter what! We can't help raise each other up and when we are pushing them down so hard with our judgments. We can't unite together and knit ourselves in love and unity when we are treating others like their best if never enough. 

We should always hold each others hand, lean on each other and support each other. We are all on this hard, joyous journey together and no one needs anyone judging them because of their own journey. Lets stop the judging and start the supporting and loving. Lets starting listening to others and doing our best to lend ourselves fully unto others when they need us the most. Let us simple let the facades slip away and let our true selves shine through, because we are all beautiful and all worth it. Stop judging and stop hiding, the world needs you for who you are. God made you to be you, not to hide behind an air of perfection so that you could protect yourselves from the harsh critics of the world. 

The following quote sums it up nicely:

“I imagine that every person on earth has been affected in some way by the destructive spirit of contention, resentment, and revenge. Perhaps there are even times when we recognize this spirit in ourselves. When we feel hurt, angry, or envious it is quite easy to judge other people, often assigning dark motives to their actions in order to justify our own feelings of resentment. Of course, we know this is wrong.” “This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon, When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm—please apply the 
following: Stop it!”- Dieter F. Uchtdorf 

1 comment:

Kirsten said...

It's so easy to forget that everyone is going through a trial, not just me. Thanks for the sweet post.