Monday, August 27, 2012

Emotional Olympics

Do you ever feel like as a parent that you run the gamut of emotions in one day?

I sure know that I do. 
Today especially was one of those days. 

I started the day waking up too early with a 2 year old and that caused a headache. 

Then all the boys came and got in bed with me and we laughed and tickled each other until the space in the bed was not enough and we were irritating each other. 

Then we ran around and played and jumped on the trampoline and learned a bunch of new tricks. We all laughed as we watched Tayton try to do flips, (which are more like spastic rolls) and clapped as Braddoc mastered the front flip.

We had lots of mom and Landon trials as we dealt with him disobeying rules and breaking his punishment of being grounded from the trampoline (because he ripped all the padding off of the trampoline the day after we bought it, "just because"). There was lots of talking and him yelling and me trying to keep my cool and teach him about respect for things.

Braddoc had some great moments and he also had lots of shut down moments because he was overstimulated. 

Noah and I had lots of kisses and we also had lots of "arguments" about how to better work with and help Braddoc with his autism (more about that at a later time). 

We had an awesome Family home evening lesson about our bodies and we enjoyed laughing and being silly as we talked about what cool things our bodies do. We also had some momentary melt downs about who got to hold what prop from our lesson.

Today was emotionally exhausted. I rode a roller coaster of emotions, some fleeting and some strong and overwhelming. 

Someday's I feel overwhelmed by everything that I had to endure that day.
Someday's I hope that we at least taught our children something good and that the day was not all for naught.
Someday's I think we all barely survived and maybe a few of us did not escape unscathed. But I hope that nothing that was done can't be undone the next day.
Someday's I end the day feeling like super mom and that I DID IT ALL that day. I go to bed that night praying that I will have that same kind of day the next day.

But really in the end, every day is a blessing and even though some days my emotions are not all over the place and they thankfully hang out in the happy/patient mom realm, that those days won't always be there. AND THAT IS OKAY! That's not what matters.

What matters is that I enjoy the journey. Really enjoy it. I don't have to "enjoy" each moment per say because lets face it, being sad and mad and frustrated and overwhelmed are not fun emotions, but there are beautiful vistas intertwined into each day. I just have to find them.

Gordon B. Hinckley says it so wonderfully:

"Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

I do thank the Lord each day for letting me have this ride as a mother.
 All the ups and downs.

I thank  the Lord every day for this beautiful girls smile. She is so good and she warms my heart, so even when her brothers are being particularly crazy I know that I can always count on her to put a smile on my face.

I have to get over the finding play dough in every single corner on my house and enjoy all the beautiful creations that are being made.

I have to know that when these two boys are fighting like cats and dogs and telling each other that they don't like the other and don't want to be friends, that shortly (maybe not today, but soon) they will be best friends again and won't want to leave each others side. And they will be jumping up and down saying "Your the best brothers ever."
I know that when Braddoc is having a melt down and Landon is just making it worse and when I have to explain to him for the hundredth time that Braddoc's mind doesn't work the same way our minds work and to just be nice and patient with him, that eventually it will sink in. And that occasionally when this happens, Landon will stop what he is doing and lovingly look at Braddoc and calm him down and smile at me because he knows he is helping his brothers and showing him love.

I have to see the joy in finding a HUGE grasshopper (and I do mean huge. This thing was half the side of our large TV remote.) in my pile of CLEAN laundry, because it gave our kids a good 20 minutes of fun watching it walk around on the floors and learning about grasshopper's. (Braddoc wanted to keep it as his pet.)

I can enjoy watching my 2 year old, who was super clingy and crying for me to hold him ALL DAY, learn to roll down the hill for the first time. I can enjoy listening to his sweet little voice say "Watch iss mom, watch!" 500+ times, because he was so excited about learning how to do this.

So while I do go through the laundry list of emotions everyday, 
(some multiple times and some not at all)
worn out
long suffering
over bearing

and many more....

that in the end I am always blessed.
I am always loved and I am always going to be able to find the joy in the journey if I just look for it.

"My plea is that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment and endorse virtue and effort." -Gordon B. Hinckley

Its easy to see the storms all around us. Satan is good at helping us see that, and the world is good at helping us see that. 

If we are more in tune with the spirit, then we will be more in tune with happiness and joy. We will easily find the joy. We will always be able to see the sunlight streaming through the clouds (I always think that its Heavenly Father shining down on me.) We will always still struggle, because we are all human but its the effort that we put into finding the joy in our everyday lives that matters.

Tonight I sat down at the computer not wanting to do much of anything at all. I was frustrated with some of the days events. I was overwhelmed by some of the conversations I had and my heart was hurting a little bit because of some things we had to go through with Braddoc. 
I pulled up my photo albums and started browsing through the pictures. Then an amazing thing happened. I started smiling, and tearing up and chuckling to myself at all the fun/silly pictures I had of my babies. 

There is so much joy to be found in my life and someday's I need to work a little harder, and put better effort into just seeing the beauty for what it is. I can't try to see the beautiful forest through the trees. I need to open my eyes and see that the beautiful forest IS THE TREES!!!

So here's to riding the wonderfully exciting, never dull roller coaster of being a mom.
Whats your trick to being able to enjoy the ride?

1 comment:

House of Smiths said...

Oh gosh, I can totally relate to this post! The past few days I have been an AWESOME Mom (if I say so myself). Play dates, library, out to eat for lunch... but it's definitely not the norm. I feel like our emotions depend on everything else that goes on around us. How stressful work is, how tight money gets, etc...
All we can do is try, try, try! right? It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Keep up the great work, and thanks for the comment on our blog!

Shelley Smith