Thursday, July 05, 2012

If I could write a letter to me.....

Today I looked in the mirror and frowned at what I saw. 

We are in the middle of a move. I am trying to rent out our house, painting the walls in the house, pack everything, and am planning/throwing two birthday parties for the oldest two boys.
Needless to say I am majorly stressed out by all that I have on my to do list. And like any other time I am stressed out, I break out in acne. I am however grateful that since I have become an adult it is not as bad as it was when I was a kid.

So there I stood looking in the mirror at the 4 nice red acne spots on my face and for a split second I saw myself as a teenager again. I was probably 16, and was looking in the mirror crying and wishing that I was not cursed with the devil of all teenage problems.....ACNE!

In that split second I had a million thoughts rush trough my head and I felt a rush of teenage angst and panic sweep over my whole body.

One of the thoughts that carried me away into another world was the memory of the legendary acne breakout of '02. (insert ominous, horror movie type music)

It was a mild summer, nothing to hot and nothing too cold  (okay maybe it was cold, this was Alaska of course) and the poor teenage me ventured out onto her own for the first time.  
I was renting a house with a bunch of friends. I was working the overnight shift at the airport and was starting my freshman year of college. My room mates were mostly all guys (there was one girl) and they were not such clean, or organized guys. I felt like the mother of the house and was always cleaning up their crap. I was not in a good place and was falling even faster and was STRESSED TO THE MAX and then that fateful day came.

Satyrs will write songs about it. 
(okay well maybe not, but still it was EPIC.)

I still have nightmares about it. I always wake up from them in a cold sweat.

It was the worst stress break out in the history of ALL breakouts.
I woke up the morning of my VERY FIRST college class and looked in the mirror and they were EVERYWHERE!!! I had pimples all over my face, down my chin, all over my neck (front and back) and onto my chest. There were literally hundreds (and I am not exaggerating at all.) I looked like I had a very intense rash all over my head and neck. I was mortified. I tried on a million different shirts, trying to find one that was high enough in the neck so that it would hide all of that acne. This was the worst day of my life in terms embarrassing self conscious days. 

Do you ever have flashbacks of your youth and are grateful you never have to repeat that stage of your life. This is one of those days that I remember almost every time I get a little breakout. I always tell myself when I see an adult acne breakout that it is still not nearly as bad as that nightmarish breakout of my youth. 

At least if I did have to go back and repeat my youth I would feel more prepared to handle what is thrown at me. I would know what the future holds and wouldn't feel like everything that came at me was the end of the world.

I love Brad Paisley's song about writing a letter to himself as a boy. Here is the video if you want to watch it.

Every time I hear this song I always wonder what I would tell myself?
This time the flash back hit me so hard that I decided I would write myself "a letter".

Here it is.

Dear teenage me,

(don't laugh too hard, however I will totally admit I did)

The heart breaks that you feel will go away. The pain does get better and the hurt fades. Your heart's not broken, even though at times it may feel like it. One day you will marry a super hot and wonderful man and have some pretty amazing kids, so stop dating such losers. Just because they are cute (with nothing else going for them) doesn't mean they will ever make a good eternal companion.

Friendships do matter. Your friends CAN be with you through life so you better pick darn good ones.

These are no where near the best years of your life. It gets harder but it also gets so much better.

Nothing matters more then the gospel, don't let anyone or anything sway you from the right path.

Your parents suck, but this too shall pass and you will be better for it. You will survive and you will have learned so much and will be a better mom to your future kids because of it.

Cherish the time you have with your loved ones because you never know how long you will have them. Spend as much time with Grandma as you possibly can because she won't live long past your 19th birthday.

Spend more time with your siblings, when you are an adult you will wish you had spent more time cultivating a loving, long term relationship with them. It's hard to do that when your foundation isn't good and you live hundreds of miles away.

Work harder in school (I know you are smart and get good grades, but if you actually try a bit harder you could be GREAT). Try harder to get into a good college, and actually care about it.

The girls around you who act like they don't know anything are only getting negative attention, Ignore them, don't give them the drama they crave.

Cherish the temple dedication you will get to attend, it means a lot and you will one day wish you had listened more closely.

Always remember that whatever you do, the Lord still loves you and will ALWAYS forgive you if you ask him with a willing heart.

Go to ALL your girls camps and youth conferences, there is nothing more important in the summer than that. Make the time!

The church is true. The people are not always great, but it's not about them, it's about you and your relationship with your Father in Heaven. Don't let mean people keep you from going to church. 

  Older, Wiser Me  

(this is older, wiser me, looking into the distance pondering life's great questions, errr..... being a total dork)
If you wrote a letter to younger you, what would you say?

1 comment:

J and M said...

ha, how fun! i enjoyed this! funny, even though i saw you in vegas x amt of years ago, i still remember teenage you. ;) i have no idea what i would say in a letter to myself. maybe i will think about that and blog about it, too??? seems like life goes so slow, but in the blink of an eye, it really is 13 going on 30.