Friday, April 06, 2012

We got orders!

So anyone who knows me and knows me well knows that I have always said I "NEVER EVER EVER want to live in Utah." And I seriously meant it. There has not been a bone or a fiber of my being that ever wanted to live in Utah. Im not sure why, I cant exactly explain it except I have met too many "utah mormons" that I have not liked very much, and even though I have met WAY more people from Utah who I have loved and adored, I have still never changed my mind. Even as a teenager I was adment that I didnt want to live in Utah or attend BYU. When missionaries come over for dinner and talk about Utah, I always cringe, because Its seriously that engrained in me that I dont want to live there.

Well for reasons Im not even sure of myself I have been fighting this battle within myself over the last few months. Last year we were reenlisting in the military and had to put out our Base of Preference list (BOP). Because Noah wants a tower rating, (it will make him a hot hiring commotity to have duel ratings) we looked at all the tower only bases. Hill AfB in Utah was one of those bases. Noah didnt even talk to me about Hill because he knows of my "never want to live in Utah" mindset. We went through the list and nothing was appeling. Nothing had all we wanted: Strong church, temple close, good shopping, nice weather and 4 seasons, a safe place to raise kids, good schools and close to the coasts (because I am anti "middle of america" living. {yes I know Im anti lots of stuff}). After going to the temple praying A LOT and I mean A LOT I felt like we needed to add Hill to our list. The inner battle was beginning, and so I prayed even more, because of course Heavenly Father knew how much I didnt like Utah and never wanted to live there and he would never send me there right? Haha, I joke right? Whats that saying, "want to make Heavenly Father laugh tell him your plans." And thats about how I was feeling.

But the amazing thing about Heavenly Father and his plans is that he ALWAYS knows how to comfort a heart. and he sure did comfort mine. I told Noah what I was feeling, a little afraid that he would laugh at me, but instead he smiled and said, "Ive been thinking the same thing, but I didnt want to say anything to you about it because I know you dont like Utah." Well By the time we submitted our list (with Hill as #3), the inner battle was raging and the want to live in Utah was winning. I actually wanted to live there, it had everything I wanted and was prefect for Noah because it was a tower only. I was to the point where I kind of wished we had put it at #1 because I wanted to go there. I was still fighting the battle though because I am stubborn and 27 years (okay maybe more like 20 years) of thinking the same way is hard to change. So I went through the full gamut of emotions. I really want Hill, to, Please Heavenly Father dont let us get hill. I really wished we had put Hill as #1, to, why did we put Hill on our list? So when the orders got Denied I thought, Okay Heavenly Father, that must have just been a test to see if we were listening to you and trusting you and we did. So thanks for that little test and thanks for not giving us Hill.

But being military and wanting to get out of Vegas so Noah could get more experience in his job and wanting to leave the killer heat and bad schools and insane allergy problems, we decided to submit orders again. So this time we went over the list, changed a few things and submitted the list again, this time with Hill as #5. I cant even tell you why we put Hill except for the fact that my heart did sink a bit when we didnt get it last time and because there was still that inner battle being fought. (sometimes I feel a little crazy with how much I go back and forth on wanting Hill and not wanting Hill). Our orders kept getting pushed back and pushed around and nothing was happening with them so we decided that we were happy in Vegas. Maybe even live here a long time (even thought that was an inner battle too, because part of me hates change and doesnt want to leave and because I love so much about Vegas and we are so set up here, but also because I hate so much about here too.) We had gotten to the point where we really were hoping they gave us orders back to Nellis.

Again at this time we were getting worried about Noah getting orders to Korea, everyone was getting them, and Noah was hot for orders there. We just wanted orders, to anywhere, hopefully somewhere nice. Honestly I would live anywhere so Noah was home for a year with us verses staying put and him getting hit with Korea orders. (we would have to stay here in the states while he was in Korea for a year).

I had a dream back at the end of January, and in my dream I dreamed we were living at Hill and a bunch of our friends were there hanging out with us in our yard. The front had grass the back had snow. I know totally weird dream stuff. I dreamed we had a bigger van and that someone was talking to me about trying out for the MOTAB (something I have always thought would be fun). I told Noah about it the next day, mostly because last time I had a dream like that, It came true. I dreamed I was the primary president and the church was on fire and I was running around looking for lost kids. I was called to be the primary president 2 days later and my "mission" while the P.P was to search out and bring back the lost kids. I also had a dream right before we found out we were pregnant with Aowyn that we had our 3 boys and a little girl and we were running around in the yard playing. I rarely dream (or at least remember my dreams) and when I do there are never real details or anything remotely normal about them, so when I do have those "semi normal" dreams I always remember them and read stuff into them. So when I told Noah he looked at me, laughed and said, "You know EVERYONE wants Hill and the chances of us actually getting it are really slim, so dont get your hopes up." I do have to admit my heart was very happy with the dream.

So fast forward a couple of months to last weekends conference when Noah and I are reading our Patriarcle blessings and talking about what we are getting from them this time. Then we are watching conference and feeling very much like we are supposed to be in Utah at some point in our life. And so here we are today at about 11 am. Noah gets a text from a friend who is watching our Bop list, he tells us we got orders. So Noah calls me (im out shopping) and says, "Are you ready for orders, cause we got em?" Me "Wha???" Noah "Yeah, to Hill AFB." And so there it is, the shaking, the nerves, the lack of being able to concentrate, the sick stomach, the overwhelmed feeling, the giddiness, the anxiety about moving, the sadness over missing our friends, the tears over leaving our home for the last 6 years, and the heart pounding out of my chest. The full gamut of emotions again. We are moving our wonderful little family to Hill, to Utah and we will be there by July 30th. I am moving to Utah, I am going to be a Utah Mormon or rather a mormon living in Utah. My best friend called and laughed and said, " I cant believe YOU are going to live in Utah. YOU, YOU are going to live in Utah." laughing myself now, Yep, thats me, anti Utah Aurie, is going to be living in Utah, and is actually pretty dang excited about it.


Kruger Family said...

I couldn't agree more with not wanting to live in Utah. I too have always said I didn't want to live here cause of the same reason. And it is still supper hard living here. Its a trial everyday for me, but it just shows me that my Heavenly Father is trying to teach me something. I am excited that you will be living here. It will be so nice to see you again. I sure miss you. Love ya girl. :)

Mari said...

Best of luck in Utah! You know my feelings on the subject. :-) You will do great, and maybe even learn to LOVE it! Enjoy the good stuff, ignore the other.

Jon and Sunny Robbins said...

I am excited for you. Do you know if you'll live on base or off yet? We'll have to drop in on the way to see my folks some time near the end of this summer. Hope the move goes well.